God's Time

 



 

Well the past week has been rather uneventful for me, rather nice though when it seems like there Patience in our waiting is perhaps the greatest test of all. We are more than ready to bring home our child and begin the final stages of the adoption process, but as a Christian we have to remember that God has a plan. We have come this far on this journey and surely God will bring our child soon.is always something for me to be doing. We are still just waiting on our baby to find us and I can't seem to think of any way to expedite the process, but I am trying to remember that prayers aren't always answered in our time, but in God's time.

What helps me most in these moments are quotes and verses that speak truthfully and reassuringly.

For Patience:  

Psalm 37:7-9

 ⁷ Be still before the LORD
and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.

⁸ Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil.
⁹ For those who are evil will be destroyed,
but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.

For God's Time:

John 7:6

⁶ Therefore Jesus told them, “My time is not yet here; for you any time will do."

Finding Peace while you wait:

Philippians 4:6-7

 ⁶ Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. ⁷ Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Overwhelming Questions

Like any other part of life, adoption seems to crop up a tremendous amount of intense questions that you must really ask yourself  seriously. As we began the process we filled out tons of paperwork and among the paper work was a checklist of characteristics that we would be willing to accept. At first glance I thought to myself, I feel like I'm filling out a questionnaire for my "dream child." The humorous side to this is as awful as it sees to go over all these variables and say, "no, not a child like this," or "yes, we will consider," these characteristics are important. Mostly with the health concerns and whether we would be able to truly accept the responsibility of a child with a severe disability or health related issues. When you "make" a baby you do not have these choices, you just trust God to bring you a healthy little baby. In adoption you have to consider if you want to join the team of amazing parents that have the ability to handle severe disabilities and health issues. Keith and I went down the checklist and went with our gut. The characteristics we didn't know or didn't understand well enough to decide on we Googled, so we would be informed. It was difficult, but we got through it and made the best decisions as best we could.

On the other hand there are less intense issues of race and gender. Now this is for many a very understandably difficult decision to make. It is unlikely that any child we get will look like either one of us and we are both fine with that, but understandably others are not. If you think about it hard enough you realize that by adopting a child of another race you are basically opening up the curtains of your adoption and throwing out any plausible deniability, and sadly we live in a world that is less than reasonable at times. You will have to deal with racial issues and nosy questions from others. Especially as both Keith and I are Caucasian, we have never had to deal with racism in our lives directly. I have unfortunately seen my best friend go through it and your left in a kind of "did that just happen" kind of moment. It did and you feel very helpless and angry you didn't do something. In my Undergraduate course work I studied American history in depth and our nations history has not always been beautiful, at times its been quite ugly and brutal.

We both wholly understand and respect that our child may come from a completely different racial, and thereby, cultural background from our own. To Keith and I we are open to any race or gender of our child, simply because to us race is not a factor in our love. We have friends and family from a variable of backgrounds and we love them all just the same. It is a deeply personal decision that we thought about long and hard. I feel that God knows Keith and I and has a child in his plan already. We are fully prepared to, if necessary, deal with any problems that might come along the way stemming from any diversity issues. What is important to us is that our children learn from us, their parents, that in the past and in the present race is a particularly volatile subject; but not something you should back away from. Our cultural background is the soul and root of any society. If our children learn anything from us, I hope and wish it will be that they should take pride in their ethnic background, in what people like them have gone through, what being Hispanic, African American, African, German, Welsh, or Scottish really means.  It is imperative that a person understand their cultural identity and respect their roots and pride themselves on who they are.

This is a very important lesson we are prepared to share with our children. The question that pangs me is how much do you intertwined that into life, without overwhelming the child with to much information.  Thoughts? Discussion time:

Mirrors

Most people are mirrors, reflecting the moods and emotions of the times. Some people are windows, bringing light to bear on the dark corners where troubles fester. The whole purpose of education is to turn mirrors into windows. 

~Sydney J. Harris

When I think about our future children the first reaction that comes to me is too smile. I feel that any child someone has in life, whether it was planned or not, is a blessing. Keith and I understand that not everyone is going to feel as blessed and thankful all the time. Oh, I am sure we will have our moments when we are feeling less that utterly blessed. Like when we are on the fourth change of clothes on our infant, or the tantrum from a terrible two, or the actions they take when they are teenagers. I wonder if in that moment we will be able to step back and just smile at the situation unfolding around us.

One of my pet peeves is when people really complain and curse about their children. I sincerely cannot stand to hear it. Like any couple that has known the struggle to have children, you realize how very lucky those people are to have those complaints in the first place. No one ever said it would be easy, but if you accept the reigns to parent this child, then I think you should do so with pride and perseverance. If you are talking about them, they do hear you and if they are old enough to understand that can be infinitely damaging to their feeling of self-worth and the relationship between you and them changes.

Working with my class at the daycare I learned many lessons, but this one stuck out like a sore thumb. Children are like mirrors, they reflect what they see, hear, and feel. If they see you react or do something, they repeat it. If they hear you say something, they repeat it, and if they are made to feel something good or bad, they will do the same to others or right back at you. If you lift your kids up in praise and love, and if you say kind words, or make them feel good and loved; they will do the same to you and others. Now I am not saying that you should always praise your kids, but teaching or "discipline" does not always mean being negative or hurtful. I think if I can keep a classroom of 18 kids in order in the classroom and on field trips without being condescending or resorting to spanking, I know I can do so with my own children.  Yes, it takes a lot more time, to stop what you are doing make the other children (if you are out) sit down to wait, and pull the other one to the side and explain what they did wrong and why they should not do or say something, or whatever the case is. It is not as immediate, but I think the time is worth it, because it is lasting. When a child understands they will try to not do it again.



Keith is always saying that we should try our best in everything we do. I do not always do my best and so I do not expect our children to always be good and to not be kids. With that said, I am an adult and my children cannot suffer for me to act or respond childishly, that is not my best. I feel it is our job as the parent to always try and instill the lessons of life we have learned and to help them become good contributors in life. Every parent is a teacher, if you show them love they will want to show you and others love back.

^"4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.⁸ Love never fails."

~I Corinthians 13:4-8

Mahatma Gandhi once said, "We must be the change we want to see in the world." If you want your children to be good and kind, you then must be good and kind. I understand that a lot of kids are more disgruntle than others, but that doesn't mean you should give up. If I had a child that was particularly difficult, then I would try my best, do what I could, if that didn't work then I would look for help else where, with books, seek advice from others, and get them whatever they needed. Why? Because, I know our children deserve our very best.

"Never, never, never give up!" 

~Winston Churchill

Newly Adopted Children Medical Perspective

amednews: Comprehensive evaluations of newly adopted children crucial :: Jan. 9, 2012 ... American Medical News

amednews: Comprehensive evaluations of newly adopted children crucial :: Jan. 9, 2012 ... American Medical News.

Patience for Purpose

Sometimes it seems like bringing home our baby is unreachable, because we've submitted profiles, we've been saving, the loan people haven't called back, and your just having one of those weeks where your just feeling anything and everything but positive. Then you wake up the next morning and  it is raining and thundering in January in Ohio and you think, "Well that is odd." And suddenly a weight is lifted and your not so stressed and you go about your day with purpose and a sense of timing that all things will work out.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

~Jeremiah 29:11

My idea of the future sometimes wants to be now instead of next week, next month, or even next year. I suppose it is my lacking ability to be patient and thankful for the present by throwing all my consciousness into the adoption process and just my womanly desire to have my baby now not later. What I need to do is remember that God has a plan for us and it is for a good future and stop worrying about tomorrow.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

~Matthew 6:34

It all comes down to focus. There is literally so much to do in the adoption process that it is difficult to turn it off when you need to for your own sanity. I absolutely love babies and I just can't wait to bring ours home to their family and begin our journey together. With that said though what I need to do more than anything is step back a little, like Keith does so well, and say yes I want my baby here now (this second), but that is something I cannot do anything about. I lack all control in this effort. I need to give that anxiety, stress, and malcontent over to God and be thankful for all that I have and be patient for the future I know we'll have. Life never takes the course that we would design ourselves, but the lessons a long the way make us better and if this waiting will make me be a better mother, if only to understand the true miracle of life, then I will take it. I don't think I will ever do anything harder, more valuable or meaningful in life than be a mother; and if this is training to strengthen my resolve, then that is what I will do.

A Choice to be Made

To anyone who has held a newborn baby as they sleep, you know children are a gift from God, and as such an imparted responsibility from God to the parents. This is a responsibility to take care of that child, raise them up to be good and kind, and to put that child's life above their own. Now as much of a blessing life is, I realize at times these blessings are not always timed according to our schedule, to our framework or ideal moment. Life happens according to God's plan and there is really no use fighting it, we have to take the good with that bad, if only to remind us how precious the good moments are. Life is so short, but what is important is how you choose to spend it.



For Keith and I, we are unlike most couples, we got to choose when to start a family, it was not thrust upon us unplanned or in the midst of personal challenges. We chose to go down this road without the map, others find themselves at a crossroads of which way to choose. Left, right, or even forward. Since my birth year (1986) there has been an estimated 32,142,340 abortions in the United States.*  That is around 42 thousand abortions estimated each year in the United States.** In the United States there are over 100,000 couples and singles that are pursuing adoption to find their children in a given year. People seeking adoption are predominantly choosing to adopt due to reasons of infertility. *** I believe each life created has a purpose and to grant that life existence is a blessing beyond measure.

As a woman just seeking her own child, I cannot know what it is to have to consider these crossroads, but I have seen the blessings of adoption bringing lives together to share in love and togetherness, and in that family.Choosing life you will never have to wonder what could have been, but just know that there is life and with that the possibility of opportunity. Choose life and be someone's partner in a miracle. After all, adoption is first and foremost an act of love on all sides.

-----------------

*Robert, Johnston. "Historical abortion statistics, United States." Abortion statistics and other data-Johnston's Archive.  http://www.johnstonsarchive.net/policy/abortion/ab-unitedstates.html (accessed January 13, 2012).

**Population Reference Bureau. "Abortion:Facts & Figures." http://www.prb.org/pdf11/abortion-facts-and-figures-2011.pdf (accessed January 13, 2012).

***"Overview of Adoption in the United States." The Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute. http://www.adoptioninstitute.org/FactOverview.html (accessed January 13, 2012).

Faithfully Waiting

One could imagine that in the end the things we have struggled with or felt to be endless will not seem so gloomy; but that does not necessarily measure the importance of it all, but rather lends you a bit of hope to get through. Last night at Bible Study we discussed what God has brought to us and how that effects our lives as Christians. We spoke how essentially God has provided us with four tools to help us in life in preparation for the next life above. These four are Love, Faith, Purpose, and Hope.

Like any gift one has to be willing to accept the gift to benefit from it. Though as one of the members pointed out, it is not necessarily a choice in every instance, sometimes it is just a strong guiding feeling; but you do have to choose if you will follow it or not.  Sometimes, at least for me, it is harder to accept these particular gifts and not lead with my own imperfect brain and logic. Studying History has taught me how logical our world is and at times how irrational and fruitless it can be too. For me I rather let my heart lead the way, but at times things seem to heart breaking or difficult to bare that all I want to do is think my way through. Though using your brain is always a good thing, sometimes you just have to have faith that it will all work it self out, especially in those insistence where you have no control at all.

With our adoption we have done everything we can to facilitate the process and preparation for our baby, but then we get to a point where everything is done or in the works, and it is time to just reflect, pray, and have faith that God is in control. Oh how I struggle with this part of the process. I am not very good at sitting still and waiting. I like to prepare, research, learn more, dive into something new, the waiting is perhaps the worse part the process.

Nevertheless, we are waiting, hoping, praying, and having faith that it will all work out very soon.

For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith, But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.

~T.S. Eliot

Help Us Bring Our Child Home

For the last few years Keith and I have been saving every nickle and every penny to begin the process of adoption. For many people building their family is not a monetary decision, but for us it is a big part of that decision. We have trusted God to help us a long the way and he has really been our guide. Yesterday I was honestly praying for God to some how help us save up the money quicker to bring our baby home from where ever they are, then literally ten minutes later one of our wonderful friends emailed me with the website www.gofundme.com. Sometimes God has a way of really showing us he is there listening. I know the economy is wobbly at best right now, but if you can help us we would greatly appreciate it, no amount is too little, we know every little bit will help. If you can't we totally understand, please just share this website on facebook/twitter/word press, etc, if you can. Thanks so much for taking the time to read! Please share and have a wonderful day!

http://www.gofundme.com/cj6lw

Money, money, money!

The fees of adoption are perhaps the most daunting of anything else in an adoption journey. It is a bit overwhelming when you think of the actual cost of an adoption, especially if you choose a private adoption agency or firm that can range from $17 k to $35k depending if it is domestic, international, newborn,etc. For Keith and I, we have meticulously budgeted and searched for information to get us that much closer to bringing home our baby as soon as we can. Though we would love to be able to pay "out of pocket" for all the expenses there is just no way we would be able to save that amount in less than 5+ years. It is shocking how expensive it can all be.

In order to pay for our adoption we have been able to find and apply for a low rate adoption loan to cover the majority of our expenses and the rest we are saving up for and nearly there. Though the only thing that really has sustained us through our search is knowing about the Federal & State Adoption Tax Credits. The only part about the tax credit is that the monies will not be taxable or credited until after the money is paid up front and can only be paid that subsequent year or the tax year that the adoption is actually finalized. This is really a light at the end of the tunnel for us. It may take time, but at least it will help us pay back the loan well before it is due.

Now depending on your state there are typically credits from $1,000 and up, again depending on the state. Now, in our state of Ohio, the tax credit can be around $1,500. Which is certainly a blessing as every little bit will help you in the long run.  The Federal Adoption Tax Credit is through 2012 for $13,170 to be applied to your income tax and is determined base on how much you were taxed. So you can, depending on your income level bracket, claim up to $13,170 based on how much you paid on taxes.  So, if you paid something like $6,000 in taxes for the year of 2011, then you can claim up to $6,000 on the Adoption Tax Credit that you have spent on your adoption, so you could effectively get $6,000 back.  If you use Turbo Tax, like we do, then look at the first page of your return and it will tell you how much you have paid in taxes for a given year and that should give you a pretty good idea of what you could potentially get back.

Now I must say I am not an accountant, though I did speak to one and this is my understanding of the process. I did contact the IRS directly and spoke to a "real" person. They were very nice and patient and answered all my questions. I suppose they rarely get good calls asking legitimacy questions, but they were very helpful.  Below I have a few links of helpful resources and if you would like to make a comment below or email me feel free. You never know there might be someone wondering the same question you have and they may learn from your questions and answers as well.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQryETwRziA?hd=1&w=560&h=315]

HELPFUL INFORMATION FOR THE FEDERAL ADOPTION TAX CREDIT:

FEDERAL ADOPTION TAX CREDIT, from http://www.bethany.org/assets/guides/financing-adoption.pdf

One of the most important factors making
adoption affordable for you is the Federal
Adoption Tax Credit. A tax reduction of up
to $13,170 is available to your family,
depending on your income.
The tax credit applies to both domestic and
international adoptions, but the process is
different. Credit for international adoption
expenses can be claimed only after the
adoption has been finalized.
Some states also offer tax credits or deductions.
Ask your tax advisor about how these credits
may apply to your family’s taxes. For up-todate federal adoption tax credit information,
visit w w w.irs.go

Adoption Tax Credit-2011

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQryETwRziA

http://taxes.about.com/od/deductionscredits/qt/adoptioncredit.htm

http://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc607.html

Sharing Dreams & Hope

"Love is to share one's dreams." ~ Anonymous 

After my last post I received several emails (which I really enjoyed reading, thank you) and two actually had a few recommendations to add to the idea of writing Letters to your child you have yet to meet or that you are simply waiting on. The idea was of creating an email just for your baby. This can be kept for years and you can write to the baby/child by sending them personal emails, and even give the email address to the birth-parents to allow them to write to their child too. Then when age oppropriate you could give the child the email account so they can read all the thoughts, prayers, and greetings you have had for them throughout the adoption/pregnancy.

I really like this idea if you are better at putting your thoughts down with a keyboard than a pen or pencil. Personally, I think Keith and I will create an account for the birth parents of our child if they would like to participate. I think that would really be a personal way for them to keep contact and let them know they were thinking of them a lot. I really, really love this idea!

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4vkVHijdQk?hd=1&w=1280&h=720]

With that including video and pictures you can really document their life as it is happening. I am so in love with this idea. What more could you do for your child than to let them know that you have loved them before you ever met.

Also I just wanted to take a few lines and say how much we really appreciate these thoughts and ideas that you have all shared with us and taking this journey with us by following our blog. We am really amazed by how many people are following us and getting to know us through our experiences. The purpose of creating this blog was to expedite our adoption process, but it really has been so much more. This blog has really helped us connect with so many wonderful people, share our experiences with new and old friends and family members, and more importantly reached out to several people that just need someone to listen to them. On Wednesday we had over 100 hits on our blog and to me that is amazing. Thanks so much and I hope you all have a wonderful day!

Letters

Managing the day to day life is not the difficult part of waiting, it is when all that is done and you have nothing to do. During our final home study visit our case worker encouraged us to go ahead and finish the nursery, she said it is better to do it now then for something to pop up last minute and have us running around trying to get it as perfect as we would want it. She was right it was fun and exciting to get the new furniture and hang the decorations up, but honestly for the longest time Keith and I kept the door to the nursery shut. I thought if I just kept the door shut that I wouldn't think about it.

Boy was I wrong. We kept the door shut for over a month, but every time I walked past the door I would just get a lump in my throat. So we decided we ought to just see the room then. So we opened the door. Katey enjoys laying underneath the crib and the soft yellows really echo and soften the hallway. In the end we got use to the door being open and so sometimes I would go in there to just look around or dream.I recently talked to a couple, that I use to live next door to, about their adoption journey. They have adopted wonderful and energetic little boy a few years ago from Guatemala and they are now working on finding their next child, a new born. For me I am still getting use to how wonderful the Family of Adoption (those who have been through or touched by adoption) and how supportive everyone truly is. For me it was nice to talk candidly about my anxiety and learn that they too have felt that impatient that comes along with this road, they said it was okay to feel that way too. At times you really do need others to approve how you feel. Something we were discussing with the other couple was how the Mother goes into the nursery and she prays for the baby to come and even writes letters to them, as they did before they were able to bring their little boy home.

For me this was a wonderful testimony to have. Sometimes we feel like we are all alone in our feelings and thoughts, just waiting for God to see his plan through. So I have started going into the baby's room and just sitting, usually with Katey, or with a notebook to write to them, so they know one day that I thought of them long before we ever met. I think this is helping me grasp the reality of our future that these letters and that room are intended for another person to occupy. Though it is difficult at times, it really does help me to talk to others, and even just listen when another needs someone else to talk to. If you need someone to talk, vent, or empathize with, please feel free to email me. I would love to hear your story, feelings, and thoughts.

P.S.   Thanks K & R for the great idea and kind words!

Lessons, Hope, and Faith

2012

A lot of speculations have been made in both Hollywood and the in the Media, but to be honest I do not really give much credence to these opinions; though I do enjoy the movies. For Keith and I our hope for the New Year of 2012 is all about changes and opportunity, not the doomsday scenarios. The past year of 2011 was quite a ride of wonderful beginnings and many blessings. We never thought we would have completed the home study process so quickly and prepared our profiles before our approval, but God works in mysterious ways.

As the New Year begins Keith and I find ourselves in a mad dash to prepare as best we can for our little one. We are very grateful to have the support of our family and friends and the encouraging examples that they share with us every day. If you are like us, desperately trying to hang on till that phone call comes in, I'm sure you understand how difficult it is to keep your head in the game. There really is so much to do that I am so glad that I have a tendency to get things done early. Our baby registry is done (mostly, additional stuff will have to be added once we know when/where/the sex of our child), nursery is pretty much done (yet empty), and our savings is doing quite well. However, I still need to finish the paper work for our emergency loan (20+ pages...yuck), then there is the budgeting for an emergency situation, keeping tabs on the cost of flights and preparing a sitter for Katey if we have to leave with a day's notice. All in all it's a very exciting time. We have a lot of optimism about what 2012 has in store for us and I can't wait to find our dear baby.

With all the preparations to do sometimes I find myself a little overwhelmed with the process and I think I start to forget why we are going through all this. I would imagine it is the same for any Mommy to be. Only a pregnant Mommy's back aches are real and mine are more of a pain in the neck than anything. My sister in law said the difference from adoption and pregnancy is that pregnancy takes nine months, adoption takes an unknown amount of time. Their second adoption took 5+ years to bring their youngest son home form Haiti and so she understands the despair of the Waiting Game.

I suppose it is natural for any human to feel the hope start to dwindle after waiting so long and the constant need for any adoptive parent to protect their hearts when circumstances arrive. Time takes away our ideal dreams and the frustration of waiting or disappointments gives us thick skin; but only for awhile, I'm sure once we finally hold our child that thick skin will melt away. The adoption process is to me rather similar to dating. When you fall for that first person you have these ideas for the future, you think about spending your life with them and growing old together, but then reality takes hold and you realize your fifteen and he is rather immature and annoying, to be frank. In that moment all your dreams are crushed. As in adoption, that first situation that you come close to, or what you thought was close, is like falling in love. You start thinking about the holidays, the birthdays, the picnics, or just rocking them to sleep; then for whatever reason it all falls through and you are left with nothing.

This lesson has perhaps been the hardest lesson of them all, for me in particular, to learn on our journey. I guess it comes down to the fact that I'm a dreamer and I like to see my dreams fulfilled and come true and I do not give up easily. Someone says no and I like to prove them wrong. So when the sheet gets pulled out from under me it is only natural for me to feel slighted and dazed. But, I think, as always, these were necessary lessons. Like falling in love for the first time with that goofy kid on the swim team, I had to realize that the situation was not the one that was meant for me...thank God...and so I moved on. I didn't really date again till college and then Keith and I found each other. I truly believe everything will work out in the end and that God has a plan for us all. Call it fate or God's plane, whatever you like, I believe there is a determining cause that places us all in line to what we accomplish or obtain in life. I know it is hard at times, but keeping the faith that it will all work out sooner or later is the guiding light for both Keith and I. Keith has such a strong faith in God that he has truly been my revered leader on this path, which I am so thankful. See, God knows me very well to put the two of us together. The lesson I have learned is to just hang on till that next glimmer of hope and trust that God will guide your journey.

Stay strong and as Winston Churchill said, "Never, never, never give up!"