Letters

Managing the day to day life is not the difficult part of waiting, it is when all that is done and you have nothing to do. During our final home study visit our case worker encouraged us to go ahead and finish the nursery, she said it is better to do it now then for something to pop up last minute and have us running around trying to get it as perfect as we would want it. She was right it was fun and exciting to get the new furniture and hang the decorations up, but honestly for the longest time Keith and I kept the door to the nursery shut. I thought if I just kept the door shut that I wouldn't think about it.

Boy was I wrong. We kept the door shut for over a month, but every time I walked past the door I would just get a lump in my throat. So we decided we ought to just see the room then. So we opened the door. Katey enjoys laying underneath the crib and the soft yellows really echo and soften the hallway. In the end we got use to the door being open and so sometimes I would go in there to just look around or dream.I recently talked to a couple, that I use to live next door to, about their adoption journey. They have adopted wonderful and energetic little boy a few years ago from Guatemala and they are now working on finding their next child, a new born. For me I am still getting use to how wonderful the Family of Adoption (those who have been through or touched by adoption) and how supportive everyone truly is. For me it was nice to talk candidly about my anxiety and learn that they too have felt that impatient that comes along with this road, they said it was okay to feel that way too. At times you really do need others to approve how you feel. Something we were discussing with the other couple was how the Mother goes into the nursery and she prays for the baby to come and even writes letters to them, as they did before they were able to bring their little boy home.

For me this was a wonderful testimony to have. Sometimes we feel like we are all alone in our feelings and thoughts, just waiting for God to see his plan through. So I have started going into the baby's room and just sitting, usually with Katey, or with a notebook to write to them, so they know one day that I thought of them long before we ever met. I think this is helping me grasp the reality of our future that these letters and that room are intended for another person to occupy. Though it is difficult at times, it really does help me to talk to others, and even just listen when another needs someone else to talk to. If you need someone to talk, vent, or empathize with, please feel free to email me. I would love to hear your story, feelings, and thoughts.

P.S.   Thanks K & R for the great idea and kind words!