Lessons, Hope, and Faith

2012

A lot of speculations have been made in both Hollywood and the in the Media, but to be honest I do not really give much credence to these opinions; though I do enjoy the movies. For Keith and I our hope for the New Year of 2012 is all about changes and opportunity, not the doomsday scenarios. The past year of 2011 was quite a ride of wonderful beginnings and many blessings. We never thought we would have completed the home study process so quickly and prepared our profiles before our approval, but God works in mysterious ways.

As the New Year begins Keith and I find ourselves in a mad dash to prepare as best we can for our little one. We are very grateful to have the support of our family and friends and the encouraging examples that they share with us every day. If you are like us, desperately trying to hang on till that phone call comes in, I'm sure you understand how difficult it is to keep your head in the game. There really is so much to do that I am so glad that I have a tendency to get things done early. Our baby registry is done (mostly, additional stuff will have to be added once we know when/where/the sex of our child), nursery is pretty much done (yet empty), and our savings is doing quite well. However, I still need to finish the paper work for our emergency loan (20+ pages...yuck), then there is the budgeting for an emergency situation, keeping tabs on the cost of flights and preparing a sitter for Katey if we have to leave with a day's notice. All in all it's a very exciting time. We have a lot of optimism about what 2012 has in store for us and I can't wait to find our dear baby.

With all the preparations to do sometimes I find myself a little overwhelmed with the process and I think I start to forget why we are going through all this. I would imagine it is the same for any Mommy to be. Only a pregnant Mommy's back aches are real and mine are more of a pain in the neck than anything. My sister in law said the difference from adoption and pregnancy is that pregnancy takes nine months, adoption takes an unknown amount of time. Their second adoption took 5+ years to bring their youngest son home form Haiti and so she understands the despair of the Waiting Game.

I suppose it is natural for any human to feel the hope start to dwindle after waiting so long and the constant need for any adoptive parent to protect their hearts when circumstances arrive. Time takes away our ideal dreams and the frustration of waiting or disappointments gives us thick skin; but only for awhile, I'm sure once we finally hold our child that thick skin will melt away. The adoption process is to me rather similar to dating. When you fall for that first person you have these ideas for the future, you think about spending your life with them and growing old together, but then reality takes hold and you realize your fifteen and he is rather immature and annoying, to be frank. In that moment all your dreams are crushed. As in adoption, that first situation that you come close to, or what you thought was close, is like falling in love. You start thinking about the holidays, the birthdays, the picnics, or just rocking them to sleep; then for whatever reason it all falls through and you are left with nothing.

This lesson has perhaps been the hardest lesson of them all, for me in particular, to learn on our journey. I guess it comes down to the fact that I'm a dreamer and I like to see my dreams fulfilled and come true and I do not give up easily. Someone says no and I like to prove them wrong. So when the sheet gets pulled out from under me it is only natural for me to feel slighted and dazed. But, I think, as always, these were necessary lessons. Like falling in love for the first time with that goofy kid on the swim team, I had to realize that the situation was not the one that was meant for me...thank God...and so I moved on. I didn't really date again till college and then Keith and I found each other. I truly believe everything will work out in the end and that God has a plan for us all. Call it fate or God's plane, whatever you like, I believe there is a determining cause that places us all in line to what we accomplish or obtain in life. I know it is hard at times, but keeping the faith that it will all work out sooner or later is the guiding light for both Keith and I. Keith has such a strong faith in God that he has truly been my revered leader on this path, which I am so thankful. See, God knows me very well to put the two of us together. The lesson I have learned is to just hang on till that next glimmer of hope and trust that God will guide your journey.

Stay strong and as Winston Churchill said, "Never, never, never give up!"