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Prayer for 2012

Wow! It's New Year's Eve! I can't believe how quickly my favorite month has flown by. I absolutely love the Christmas Season, with all the festivities, family get togethers, and the true spirit of the season. This Christmas season was a bit of a roller coaster emotionally for Keith and I, we had a lot of ups and a lot of not so much fun. But overall I think Keith and I learned a lot about each other and the importance of our relationship we have together. I think we've grown to rely more so on each other and understand that it is okay to be disappointed or sad by events, as long as you bounce back and find your footing in life again. I have always known how resilient Keith is, but I don't think I truly understood until this past year. Keith has shown me how wonderful of a man he truly is and how strong he is for me. I know I could never go down this path alone or with anyone else. I am just so thankful to have him in my life.

The problem with marriage is you both come in thinking together you are invincible, then you realize down the road that the two of you need something more than just each other. Keith and I needed something more than our unshakable love for each other, we needed a light to lead us through, that Light is our Faith. Keith has always had a strong faith, but I believe that if your not on the same tier as the other you bring each other down, because you are a part of each other and if I sink so does Keith. Keith has really shown me that true faith and prayer will get you through the worse bit life throws at you, and when you are having trouble with believing prayer is like the mortar that holds it all together.

This New Year's holds a new meaning to both Keith and I, we are hoping and praying to have our baby home within the next 365 days. We just have to keep praying and have faith God will answer our prayers. Last year our hope was to just start the process of adoption. Our resolution was fulfilled and hopefully at the end of next year we'll be 2 for 2 and a family of three.

I hope you all have a wonderful New Year's and God Bless you all in 2012!

Just Keep Busy

Sometimes all you can think about is the empty room next to yours, the outfits laid out waiting to be filled, and toys on the shelf collecting dust. I know now that the hardest thing was not the paper work, or the interview sessions with our social worker, but the time after before we meet our baby; a time that seems so far away.  During the Holidays is was exciting to think, maybe by next Christmas we'll have them home, but now the house seems so empty and all I have is time. When we began the process I thought perhaps by the end of the year, then in September as we finished up our home study I thought perhaps by Christmas. We came so close, thinking that all our expectations were going to be met, and now we are still waiting. Hoping to see the next email to be another situation or an unexpected phone call.

But you can live your life waiting on your dreams to come true, you have to get out there and live it. Where to begin? I have found that finding little tasks to do, busy work, baking, reading, writing, or some art seem to pass the time best. Something that has an end result and not focusing on things you have no control over. We won't know where our baby is coming from or when, we just have to keep walking sometimes and know that God will lead us to each other. You can plan all you want, you can get everything ready, and sit on your hands and wait, but it won't necessarily speed the process up. So I think it is important to stay busy, pray on it diligently, and stay positive. You won't know how long you must wait, but why should you make yourself miserable?

I know it is the hardest task, the waiting, but staying positive is the best thing you can do. If you are miserable waiting, it truly makes the wait a lot longer. I have never been the most patient waiting for things to come. I can be patient with people and understanding, but growing up waiting on Christmas morning, the last day of school, or for vacation to begin was never one of my strong suits. In the scheme of things Keith and I have not really been waiting very long. We tried for over two years to get pregnant then after that we began the adoption process and we have only been waiting months, where as I know couples who have been waiting over two years to adopt their newborn. From my viewpoint it seems that any amount of time is truly going to be difficult, but if you focus too much on the calendar days you are not really providing enough time for God to work sometimes.

Many people finish the home study process and they are ready right away and they are matched and placed with their child in months, others it takes years; but I doubt many really say that their child they do bring home is not perfect for them. After all it is important that when we pray and ask things of God it is not always in our time, but rather in God's time. I have found that even though I try to stay positive and assure myself that God is working on it in his time, I still feel a bit anxious and troubled by the waiting process; but Keith is always there to reassure me and keep me occupied with other endeavors, such as learning to play an instrument or working on other types of tasks. Just keep busy and keep praying!

Hindsight

Hindsight: n. The recognition of the realities, possibilities, or requirements of a situation, event, decision etc., after its occurrence. 

   Learning experiences and the feeling that you have no control seems to be the best way to sum up our journey thus far. Last night Keith and I had just come home after spending the day at my parents house playing with our two little nieces, while they are visiting this week, when we received a call from Building Blocks.  The call came on Keith's cell phone as I was trying to learn a new song on the piano, Keith got up really quick and walked over to me. Naturally, I thought it was my parents or his, because he had a very serious face, then he started asking questions and I knew then it was Building Blocks. I just sat and starred. Then he starting writing stuff down on a post it, and his face dropped. He wrote down a number, the cost of this particular "situation." It was high and at the top of our budget, which we aren't at all ready for, perhaps after taxes maybe, but not now. The baby was born the other day and will be discharged on Dec. 28th. The parents had just decided on adoption and so they were seeking out profiles. We both gritted are teeth as they told us the general profile of the mother and we exchanged looks, neither one of us wanting to tell the other we just can't do this one right now. It's like looking in the window of a toy store and wanting something so bad, but you only have half the amount. We told them we just couldn't afford that "situation" right now and they confirmed that we would need the money on hand.

   This was not  a pleasant ending of a good day, but rather mournful. We both tried to look at it as another learning experience that we are sure we will be able to see one day in hindsight. Since we began the journey towards building our family we have encountered so many steps a long the way. We soon realized that you can not skip the bumps and pot holes in the road, but you have to carry over them to move forward.  We began at step A and to get to D we had to go through B and C. So this, logically, must be another required step and that God has us on track. Perhaps this is just God lighting a fire under us to get prepared, so we will be ready whenever the call comes to hop on a plane, if necessary, to go find our baby. Keith said, "this just wasn't our turn." As awful as it is to admit it, I'm sure that this is just another step in the right direction. It has actually given me a lot of hope. Through Building Blocks we have had so many "situations" already that surely it won't be long and when our "situation" comes a long we'll be as ready as we can be.

  Hindsight has always been my most important teacher in life. The celerity that comes after a situation and a better understanding of purpose and hope really is motivating and makes me thankful that we have God on our side in this adventure we are on. No one ever said this would be easy, plenty of people said it would be the hardest thing we ever do in our life, but we just have to remember we are not on this road alone. I was reminded of that on Christmas Eve. My parent's hosted our family Christmas Eve party this year and as always we had a good turn out. We all sat around talking and catching up. The family all asked how things are going in our adoption and many of them are following this blog, they offered so much encouragement and most of them are just interested in how this process actually works, so I'm glad this is an outlet that I can share our experience with them and others.  Our family, as always, has been very close and supportive of one and other. We have all been through a lot. We have shared in wonderful moments, births, graduations, cook outs, and vacations; and we have really seen each other through some awful times in our family, through loss, sickness, death and grief we have unified as a group of faith.

  Our family has always been what you might call "religious," always proud, and at times a little embarrassing. It is through the make up of our family that really strengthens us in these hard times. I look at our struggle to begin a family and I am reminded our truly Blessed we are. Keith and I feel that we are only two people in this world and though we can build a family on our own we have been blessed beyond belief with our love for one and other and the truly remarkable group of family and friends that have our backs to pray for us and always offer words of encouragement. It doesn't make things bounce off of us, but it allows us to see the light at the end of the tunnel and move forward and bounce back after a blow. After all, a new year is about to begin and I think 2012 is our year!

Christmas Wishes

Christmas is upon us and as with most important holidays I find myself wondering. Christmas after all is a holiday celebrating birth and ultimately adoption. Joseph raised Christ as his own son, thereby adopting him into his family and for me today I'm wondering where my child is in the present...in the womb, in someones arms, or still yet to be created. I find myself rather yancy about our wait and the undermined time-table that adoption leaves us all in. I've said it so many times, waiting is by far the hardest thing we'll probably have to do in this journey. I just want our baby home in my arms surrounded by family and friends.



A few weeks ago our friends were blessed with the birth of their first child and holding him yesterday was so much fun. He is such an easy going baby, not very fussy, just likes to snuggle up and sleep. While holding him I couldn't think of anything more than the future of our child and him playing and growing up together as friends, starting school together, playing games, riding bikes, or camping out in the back yard. Growing up it was really the neighborhood kids that I made many lasting friendships with. Summers were spent out in the sun swimming, running, riding bikes, going on great adventures, or creating stories as we went. On rainy days we would end up in the basement of our house building tents or skating on the tile with our socks. Childhood was such an exciting adventure for me. I had such an imagination and I can't help but wonder what adventures our two children will host.

My Christmas wish is that we all feel the blessings of our family and friends and the joy those relationships bring to our lives. We are all very blessed to have the relationships we have and the people around us to take part in those wonderful times of the year.  I truly hope that all of you, my wonderful readers, have a blessed and very merry Christmas with family and friends and pause to remember the blessed miracle that gives all the chance to believe in a higher power and a future beyond this life.  Take care and stay warm!

Merry Christmas!!!

Keith & Amy

Katey

Money Matters

Christmas is drawing near and for the first time it is a week before Christmas and I am all finished with our Christmas shopping, and more importantly right on budget! I am a budget person. I'm not a whiz with numbers or anything, but I can budget very well. So whenever something comes up that we will be spending more than a few dollars on we try to decide how much to spend at a reasonable price per person and stay on budget. For our monthly expenses we also have a budget and that consists of my handy-dandy spreadsheet that lays out all our recurring monthly costs, from our Mortgage right down to student loans and the electric bill. Anything and everything we pay each month, including a budget for food, is in the spreadsheet. This really helps me keep an eye on how much we are spending and maximize our savings.

Now you may be wondering how this all connects to the adoption. Well, as most of you know adoption in America is an outrageous cost to the adoptive parents, and for that reason we've been saving and saving for the better part of our married life. First it was for the house, now it's for our first adoption, better put our child. It is totally worth the sacrifices and we are fortunate enough to be able to save in this terrible economy. Nevertheless, when we first started out in our married life, saving money was rather difficult. We didn't plow things on credit cards or live outside our means, we simply earned and spent the majority of our earnings. But as when anything worthwhile comes a long, sacrifices have to be made. We decided that we needed to see where the money was going, thus the "Money Matters" Spreadsheet was born. This was truly an invaluable resource for the both of us. It really lays out exactly what we are spending, shows if we've paid the bills for this month and so forth.

Once we laid out where the bills and where the money was going we were horrified out how much we were spending on luxury buys, like going out for dinner, buying this or that just because it looked cute (my purchases), and going to the movies (Keith's one indulgence). Now we aren't saints or anything, we didn't stop shopping, eating out, and going to the movies. That would make life rather boring for us, but we did cut back quite a lot. We installed a few of these items in our handy dandy spreadsheet. We set a certain budgeted amount of spending for movies, an allowance for myself on shopping, and  a budget for eating out once a week at a nice restaurant or two fast food trips. Now this all goes back to our adoption savings. We want to be able to afford and since we have student loans we really truly want to avoid taking out any loans if we can, but if not only a small loan for our adoption. By putting a microscope on our spending and budgeting we knew where our money was going and how much "left-overs" we should have at the end of the month. This allows us to plan ahead and decide under what conditions we can put forth our profile for certain "situations" that come available.

As I've mentioned before in an earlier post, our adoption agency, Building Blocks Adoption Service,  presents us with "situations" or a general blurp about expectant birth mothers or birth parents and also consists of their due date and the estimated budget of their adoption plan. The adoption plan pertains to expected legal costs, medical costs, agency fees, and probably a few other things. The main thing in there, pertaining to budgeting, is the due date and the cost. By knowing the two variables of the due date and the cost we can say, well by this date we should or could not have the money saved for this budget. So if we decided we simply can't afford a situation we don't pursue it by placing our profile to the parents-to-be.

Adoption is such an emotionally charged struggle that I think it was in our best interest to have our budget and know for certain we can afford this or that. This is simply being realistic when in reality you just want to blind yourself from complications and go for every situation when in reality we wouldn't be able to afford it and it would just cause more stress and worry. Budgeting is just a tool Keith and I use that works well with our marriage,  I hope this post was helpful. If you would like a template for your own "Money Matters" Spreadsheet, feel free to email me and I can email you one. Hope you all have a lovely day!

Our Child's Process and Love

For our child the process and history of their life will be far different from that of what both Keith and I have experienced. It is hard to know where to begin when you start mulling over the situations your child may face in life, especially when they are young. I know many new parents often worry what school will our kids go to, how will they make new friends, and how can I best prepare my child for those experiences. I suppose my Mom would say I'm worrying about this way too soon, but I think our situation will be better benefited by our devotion to figuring things out long before we get there.

From our readings and conversations with other adoptive parents we have found that the "problematic" types of situations that can occur often stem from other kids and family. Even if our adoptive children are from the same race as us, or they have brown hair and blue eyes, as I do, it is extremely unlikely they will bare any real resemblance to Keith or myself. After working with children in a daycare setting for just over four years, you come to realize how kids notice things you really wouldn't expect them too in a million years. In my class at the daycare we had three children who were adopted by wonderful loving parents that ultimately wanted nothing more than to protect their children. We had a little girl adopted from China, a boy from the Ukraine, and another boy adopted domestically. None of them bared any resemblance to their families and all the kids would ask these children, "Why don't you look like your Mom/Dad?"

Now the children would reply in one of two ways they would reply with an answer that allowed them to stand firm and be proud of their special circumstances that brought them to their parents, or they wouldn't know what to say and they would feel awkward or even belittled by this seemingly simple question. Kid's are kid's and they'll ask each other questions that should be worded with much more tact, but they are kids. Kid's never have tact unless they have been told something by their parents or they already know from experience.

As the teacher I would always hear about this later from the kids and it was important to me that I address the situation to make sure that the children understood how wonderfully special they were and how God had chosen this for their life story. I had a class with students in both First and Second grade and so it was easier to explain things in their terms so they better understood their friends and adoption in general.

When you look at it from the outside, you see all families being really the same. Mothers can carry their children physically for nine months, or they can carry their children in their hearts for sometimes more than nine months to years and years before they finally meet. To explain that to a child is through the simple explanation of Love. A mother/father, be it their birth mother/father or adoptive mother/father feel the same for their children, a love that seems endless and one that does not die. My task was to try and explain that to my Eighteen children, so they would consider their friends feelings and lift the children up that had been taken off gaurd by their questioning peers.

To do this I would turn to a wonderful book I found called "I love you so...", by Marianne Richmond. This book explains that no matter how a child's parent(s) and the child came together the child is greatly loved and irreplaceable. All my kids would just smile so wide and after reading that book they would all run up to their parents that picked them up and tell them how much they loved them, which parents love to hear. For me I think the best thing we can pass on to our children as they grow up is Love. With love from their parents they can better understand and cope with the world around them, whether they are adopted or not, Love is the one language that speaks to all children.

A Roller Coaster of Lessons

Reading is perhaps one of my top two favorite activities. I spend a good bulk of my time trying to find the "Perfect" next book on my reading list. Unfortunately, there are times when you pick up a book and you've read maybe three pages and your like "I don't know if I even want to finish." Typically this is due to the author's writing style, the grammatical technique , or the way the story is being presented. But as any avid reader knows, you have to at least finish the first chapter or two before you should be too hasty.  Though I will admit that on more than one occasion I have chucked a book that I've only read a page or two. It just was not my style it is usually the lack of writing skill the author is using.

Like the adoption process, we have a story. I'm writing it as we go. Jumping on board with us is probably interesting at first, but the excitement tends to dwindle as the climax seems to get further and further away. You see people with babies all around you, and you have absolutely no idea when you'll be bring home your baby. You could be on the roller-coaster ride of a story, where there are many peaks with swift decent, taking you up and down on a seemingly endless ride of hills and valleys. I suppose its only logical to presume that perhaps you just haven't read far enough. After all, the peaks and valleys of a story line is only seen in hindsight, after you reached the actual climax. Looking back at all the peaks and valleys only enriched the experience and allowed you to understand the full velocity of the situation.

If you don't know that your going to fall here, but you do and the next hill or the final hill is right in front of you, you learn something from the first, third, twentieth, hill. Like on a roller coaster, you learn on the first one to be ready for twists and turns and brace your head back in the seat, you ready your stomach for the feeling of free fall, and finally you expect all these complications to begin with on the next few hills.

Like every life experience Keith and I are learning so much, watching others, taking the lessons, and trying to hold on as we go into the tunnel. The important thing, like a roller coaster, your not alone. You have the people in front of you, the person next to you holding your hand, and the people behind you following in your steps. We are are on the Adoption roller coaster together.

 

Priorities and Faith

Well the holidays are definitely on their way. I love Christmas time and all that comes with it. Most people think about the lines and the amount of money you shove out, but to me Christmas time is about Christ, Family, and remembering why they are important to us. This week has also been filled with a lot of Joy in our family. Our good friends, who we consider family, have just had their first child a boy. It's a very exciting time for them. Since our Bible Study group came fully together, as the gang, we have all really came a long way and we really have a strong bond with each other. A kind of friendship that will last a life time. It is with that strong bond that has helped Keith and I throughout our adoption process. The girls have been such a wonderful sisters to me, helped me realize that just because I can't make babies, doesn't mean I won't be a good Mommy (which was really a big concern for me.)

Infertility had a very strong impact on me, personally. Being religious and trusting that God has a plan for each of our lives tends to make one wonder if you can't have babies because God doesn't think you should be a mommy. But with my upbringing and my wonderful exposure to the blessing of adoption through kids, friends, and family this wasn't something I worried about a lot; but it was something that would get to me at times. After trying to conceive and talking to Doctors people tend to get a little judgmental. Others are more insightful and uplifting. Our gang, especially the girls, helped me to see that. It's a natural feeling to want to begin a family and when you hit a road block sometimes its hard to see a detour as a solution instead of an inconvenience.

Nevertheless, all of our experiences has really brought Keith and I closer together. We knew before we even started officially "dating" that the likelihood of conception would be slim, but we still wanted to try. After trying with no results its a bit defeating, but Keith being the ever resilient one didn't let it get us down. We definitely had a period of grieving over the fact we would likely never have the opportunity to debate over who's nose our child had, or where their temperament ultimately came from; but that wasn't the end of our quest to have a family, it was only the beginning.   We began looking into adoption more aggressively and seeking out what our expectations and ideal situation would be. That was a long process in itself.

Choosing the right agency and program all seemed a bit overwhelming, but in the end it took finding out our friends were pregnant to say, we've waited long enough and we are going to pursue this and let God lead us in the right direction. We really prayed, but right after that we were able to really start saving our money and prioritizing our schedule. Heading into the season as we see our friends becoming parents into a family of three, it is really an inspiring sight, to see them with their new born baby and know one day we'll feel just as they do with our child.

In the end the only difference between adoption and natural conception is the paper work and the unknown amount of waiting. I hope we don't have to wait too long, but we'll wait as long as we have to. It's important that we made it that far and the best is yet to come!

Awkward Questions

For us coming into the process of adoption to build our family was not necessarily a hard decision. Our family has already been blessed twice through the adoption of our nephews and the wonderful joy they have brought to their parents, grandparents aunts, and uncles are unquestionable. The peaks and valleys of the process does at times get to be overwhelming, but for Keith and I we have a wonderful support network consisting of family and friends, and the wonderful staff at our adoption agency.

Our family and friends have been completely and utterly supportive during the entire process, and its been truly wonderful to share the steps a long the way. Whenever we feel discouraged we really lean on them and they have always encouraged us and always lend their ears to just listen. Keith's brother and sister-in-law, Sean & Paula, have been our guiding light in the fog of adoption. It is truly a blessing to have someone that understands your frustrations and the trials of adoption. Whenever we feel like there is a never ending amount of paper work to be filled out or the process is taking to long we think of them and their boys and the journey they took to get their family where they are now.

Over Thanksgiving dinner we all discussed the joys and trials of adoption and something that we both have experienced on our adoption journey's has been the awkward questions posed by people, friends and family members. Naturally one choosing adoption has as diverse reasons for choosing adoption as anyone who chooses to build a family. We all have our different reasons, but sometimes people ask you the strangest questions. After Thanksgiving I realized, its not just me who has experienced this odd sort of conversation with people who find out or you tell you are adopting, which I would love to relay to you all to show how truly strange some people can be regarding subjects they do not really understand.

1.  "Your adopting? What's wrong with you," then the lean forward as if they are trying to keep a secret, "or is it your husband?"

Response: First of all this question has been asked about twenty times to both Keith and I. Something people don't understand, when facing infertility people act in one of two ways, they try and focus blame or they unite as a couple. Keith and I are a united. We have both came to the conclusion that it doesn't matter if its one of us or both of us, it is still the same outcome. We are married and therefore if we can't have kids through natural birth, we have seen adoption to be such a blessing for many families, so for us adoption is only natural. Secondly, to say "what's wrong" with someone totally puts adoption in a negative light. There is nothing "wrong" with adoption. We both feel it is a beautiful thing that bring children and parents together in such a special way that brings people together to share a wonderful blessing of children.

2. "You are adopting? Oh, your choosing the easy way?"

Response: I don't know, but this one always gets me to laugh. The easy way... enough said. They obviously have no idea.

3. "Are you going to tell them (I'm assuming they mean our children) that your not their real mother?"

Response: Well, I am their "real" mother, they'll be calling me Mom. I'll be feeding them, changing their diapers, loving them, and raising them; but yes they will know all about their birth mother and father too and they can talk about them because it is apart of them and their birth story just like any other kids story.

4.  From some who have already adopted, "How much did they cost?"

Response: "You don't "buy" children. The process is what cost so much and that is a personal question." Does it really matter?

5. "Why didn't their parents want them?"

Response: I'm assuming again they mean their biological/ birth parents.  To me adoption on the birth parents side of things is a very self-less act. They are putting the life of their child with another person. Not something that I think most people would do lightly.

Personally, I am stunned by other questions, which I will not post; but most of the time you just have to try to not take it personally and understand that this person just hasn't seen the blessings adoption has brought to many peoples lives. I don't feel that our infertility is something to define our marriage or our family. Adoption has been a long road, but anything worth doing is usually difficult. We do not know where the end of the road will lead us or how far we will have to go; but the important thing is that we have a full tank of gas and we are ready; whatever we can't handle on our own, I know that God will help us get through the rest.

Bouncing

The adoption process is a series of peaks and valleys. Today I am climbing.

What happens when you're in the adoption process with an adoption agency, like Building Blocks, the agency gets what they call "situations" to share with you. A "situation" is a birth mother and sometimes a birth father that contacts the agency in one form or another and gives them a brief summary about their situation before actually meeting with an agency representative or speaking with them in detail about adoption. Then the agency sends out emails to their Parents-to-be and present the "situation" and all the known circumstances. This usually entails birth mother's name, age, race, sometimes the circumstances of the birth mother (i.e. why she/they are seeking adoption), any known drug/smoking activity, due date and sometimes (if known) the sex of the baby, and finally the estimated budget/cost of the entire adoption. Then it is up to the Parents-to-be to decide one of two things based on the known information (At least this is what Keith & I do). One, can we afford this particular situation? Two, does this "situation" go along with what we are comfortable with? If you answer yes to both, then you email the agency back and say, "Yes, please submit my profile!"

Next the agency provides the birth parents with a series of profiles on the prospective adoptive parents. These profiles incorporate most of the information provided on our site here. The birth parents then pick a family. I can't imagine this is an easy process. Imagine getting a small book or file, 3-5 pages long, detailing the people that you are choosing to raise your child. That would take me days if not weeks. In any case, most of the time the birth parents will then choose a couple/parent/family and first contact is made. If both birth and adoptive parents are near by (within the same state or an easy drive) then they will meet in person. If not this usually consists of a phone call, so I am told, we haven't actually made it this far; but we can't wait till we do.

Thus far we have had a few opportunities to submit our profiles to different birth parents, but we haven't been picked...yet. The submitting of a profile is filled with excitement and What if's, but then the silence becomes rather deafening. Keith is the pragmatic one in our relationship. Me, I'm a dreamer. Each time we get a "situation" and we put our profile in, I can't help but get completely and utterly excited, thinking, "This could be the one!" Naturally that would sadly be our peak, followed by the silence. You see the agency doesn't call/email you to let you know another couple has been chosen, you just have to assume after a few weeks that you weren't picked. Like anyone this would be our valley. Keith being pragmatic seems to be able to move on and focus on the "Some day" scenario, meanwhile I'm stuck with the "Why not?".  It's not a good feeling, but it is a learning moment. Keith says I need to just submit the profile and save the excitement for when we get that call. Though I disagree.

My question is, "Why not get all excited?" After all we are in this process to find our child and this is not a raffle, its a baby a life. Keith's answer is of course pragmatic, you do so as a defense mechanism. Protecting yourself from the possibility of falling. Now for me, growing up I just wasn't the most coordinated of God's creatures, I had a tendency to trip over my own feet, but with that I did learn something. I have some how came to learn how to fall slowly and how to quickly pick myself up again. Except when I was in High School and I'd trip over my feet with a huge book bag on and it would go over my head. That would take a little more time, followed by awkward stares from passers by, but needless to say I did get back up again. So naturally the peaks and valleys have taught me another lesson, one that I didn't necessarily want to learn, but there it is.

Just because the first, third, fifth, or so on "situation" isn't our "situation." It doesn't mean its something to be sad about. The important part lies in the fact that a life is coming into this world and for whatever reason the parent's decide not to terminate the child, but to save a life and give a life to another family/couple. I can't tell you how truly disgruntle I feel about abortion. I understand sometimes its not cut and dry. But when it does come down to someone just doesn't want to be responsible for something our society  just decides to jump ship and run! To me that's rather pathetic. Each of these situations are unique, sometimes slightly distressing, but in all of them the parent(s) have decided to find a care giver in that of adoptive parents/family for their child, i.e. saving a life.

Each "situation" is something to get excited about, for all the "what ifs", maybes, and hopes at the end of the day a birth family is going to find a way to find a life boat for their child. So, I am just going to celebrate and get excited every time, for every situation, because it might be ours "situation." But if it is not ours then it is some one's joy and that's worth celebrating. Besides I'll bounce back, I always do :-).  Needless to say, we submitted our profile to another "situation" the other night and I'm bouncing up hill. If you could just say a prayer for us we would really, greatly appreciate it!