Awkward Questions

For us coming into the process of adoption to build our family was not necessarily a hard decision. Our family has already been blessed twice through the adoption of our nephews and the wonderful joy they have brought to their parents, grandparents aunts, and uncles are unquestionable. The peaks and valleys of the process does at times get to be overwhelming, but for Keith and I we have a wonderful support network consisting of family and friends, and the wonderful staff at our adoption agency.

Our family and friends have been completely and utterly supportive during the entire process, and its been truly wonderful to share the steps a long the way. Whenever we feel discouraged we really lean on them and they have always encouraged us and always lend their ears to just listen. Keith's brother and sister-in-law, Sean & Paula, have been our guiding light in the fog of adoption. It is truly a blessing to have someone that understands your frustrations and the trials of adoption. Whenever we feel like there is a never ending amount of paper work to be filled out or the process is taking to long we think of them and their boys and the journey they took to get their family where they are now.

Over Thanksgiving dinner we all discussed the joys and trials of adoption and something that we both have experienced on our adoption journey's has been the awkward questions posed by people, friends and family members. Naturally one choosing adoption has as diverse reasons for choosing adoption as anyone who chooses to build a family. We all have our different reasons, but sometimes people ask you the strangest questions. After Thanksgiving I realized, its not just me who has experienced this odd sort of conversation with people who find out or you tell you are adopting, which I would love to relay to you all to show how truly strange some people can be regarding subjects they do not really understand.

1.  "Your adopting? What's wrong with you," then the lean forward as if they are trying to keep a secret, "or is it your husband?"

Response: First of all this question has been asked about twenty times to both Keith and I. Something people don't understand, when facing infertility people act in one of two ways, they try and focus blame or they unite as a couple. Keith and I are a united. We have both came to the conclusion that it doesn't matter if its one of us or both of us, it is still the same outcome. We are married and therefore if we can't have kids through natural birth, we have seen adoption to be such a blessing for many families, so for us adoption is only natural. Secondly, to say "what's wrong" with someone totally puts adoption in a negative light. There is nothing "wrong" with adoption. We both feel it is a beautiful thing that bring children and parents together in such a special way that brings people together to share a wonderful blessing of children.

2. "You are adopting? Oh, your choosing the easy way?"

Response: I don't know, but this one always gets me to laugh. The easy way... enough said. They obviously have no idea.

3. "Are you going to tell them (I'm assuming they mean our children) that your not their real mother?"

Response: Well, I am their "real" mother, they'll be calling me Mom. I'll be feeding them, changing their diapers, loving them, and raising them; but yes they will know all about their birth mother and father too and they can talk about them because it is apart of them and their birth story just like any other kids story.

4.  From some who have already adopted, "How much did they cost?"

Response: "You don't "buy" children. The process is what cost so much and that is a personal question." Does it really matter?

5. "Why didn't their parents want them?"

Response: I'm assuming again they mean their biological/ birth parents.  To me adoption on the birth parents side of things is a very self-less act. They are putting the life of their child with another person. Not something that I think most people would do lightly.

Personally, I am stunned by other questions, which I will not post; but most of the time you just have to try to not take it personally and understand that this person just hasn't seen the blessings adoption has brought to many peoples lives. I don't feel that our infertility is something to define our marriage or our family. Adoption has been a long road, but anything worth doing is usually difficult. We do not know where the end of the road will lead us or how far we will have to go; but the important thing is that we have a full tank of gas and we are ready; whatever we can't handle on our own, I know that God will help us get through the rest.