Bouncing

The adoption process is a series of peaks and valleys. Today I am climbing.

What happens when you're in the adoption process with an adoption agency, like Building Blocks, the agency gets what they call "situations" to share with you. A "situation" is a birth mother and sometimes a birth father that contacts the agency in one form or another and gives them a brief summary about their situation before actually meeting with an agency representative or speaking with them in detail about adoption. Then the agency sends out emails to their Parents-to-be and present the "situation" and all the known circumstances. This usually entails birth mother's name, age, race, sometimes the circumstances of the birth mother (i.e. why she/they are seeking adoption), any known drug/smoking activity, due date and sometimes (if known) the sex of the baby, and finally the estimated budget/cost of the entire adoption. Then it is up to the Parents-to-be to decide one of two things based on the known information (At least this is what Keith & I do). One, can we afford this particular situation? Two, does this "situation" go along with what we are comfortable with? If you answer yes to both, then you email the agency back and say, "Yes, please submit my profile!"

Next the agency provides the birth parents with a series of profiles on the prospective adoptive parents. These profiles incorporate most of the information provided on our site here. The birth parents then pick a family. I can't imagine this is an easy process. Imagine getting a small book or file, 3-5 pages long, detailing the people that you are choosing to raise your child. That would take me days if not weeks. In any case, most of the time the birth parents will then choose a couple/parent/family and first contact is made. If both birth and adoptive parents are near by (within the same state or an easy drive) then they will meet in person. If not this usually consists of a phone call, so I am told, we haven't actually made it this far; but we can't wait till we do.

Thus far we have had a few opportunities to submit our profiles to different birth parents, but we haven't been picked...yet. The submitting of a profile is filled with excitement and What if's, but then the silence becomes rather deafening. Keith is the pragmatic one in our relationship. Me, I'm a dreamer. Each time we get a "situation" and we put our profile in, I can't help but get completely and utterly excited, thinking, "This could be the one!" Naturally that would sadly be our peak, followed by the silence. You see the agency doesn't call/email you to let you know another couple has been chosen, you just have to assume after a few weeks that you weren't picked. Like anyone this would be our valley. Keith being pragmatic seems to be able to move on and focus on the "Some day" scenario, meanwhile I'm stuck with the "Why not?".  It's not a good feeling, but it is a learning moment. Keith says I need to just submit the profile and save the excitement for when we get that call. Though I disagree.

My question is, "Why not get all excited?" After all we are in this process to find our child and this is not a raffle, its a baby a life. Keith's answer is of course pragmatic, you do so as a defense mechanism. Protecting yourself from the possibility of falling. Now for me, growing up I just wasn't the most coordinated of God's creatures, I had a tendency to trip over my own feet, but with that I did learn something. I have some how came to learn how to fall slowly and how to quickly pick myself up again. Except when I was in High School and I'd trip over my feet with a huge book bag on and it would go over my head. That would take a little more time, followed by awkward stares from passers by, but needless to say I did get back up again. So naturally the peaks and valleys have taught me another lesson, one that I didn't necessarily want to learn, but there it is.

Just because the first, third, fifth, or so on "situation" isn't our "situation." It doesn't mean its something to be sad about. The important part lies in the fact that a life is coming into this world and for whatever reason the parent's decide not to terminate the child, but to save a life and give a life to another family/couple. I can't tell you how truly disgruntle I feel about abortion. I understand sometimes its not cut and dry. But when it does come down to someone just doesn't want to be responsible for something our society  just decides to jump ship and run! To me that's rather pathetic. Each of these situations are unique, sometimes slightly distressing, but in all of them the parent(s) have decided to find a care giver in that of adoptive parents/family for their child, i.e. saving a life.

Each "situation" is something to get excited about, for all the "what ifs", maybes, and hopes at the end of the day a birth family is going to find a way to find a life boat for their child. So, I am just going to celebrate and get excited every time, for every situation, because it might be ours "situation." But if it is not ours then it is some one's joy and that's worth celebrating. Besides I'll bounce back, I always do :-).  Needless to say, we submitted our profile to another "situation" the other night and I'm bouncing up hill. If you could just say a prayer for us we would really, greatly appreciate it!