Just Keep Busy

Sometimes all you can think about is the empty room next to yours, the outfits laid out waiting to be filled, and toys on the shelf collecting dust. I know now that the hardest thing was not the paper work, or the interview sessions with our social worker, but the time after before we meet our baby; a time that seems so far away.  During the Holidays is was exciting to think, maybe by next Christmas we'll have them home, but now the house seems so empty and all I have is time. When we began the process I thought perhaps by the end of the year, then in September as we finished up our home study I thought perhaps by Christmas. We came so close, thinking that all our expectations were going to be met, and now we are still waiting. Hoping to see the next email to be another situation or an unexpected phone call.

But you can live your life waiting on your dreams to come true, you have to get out there and live it. Where to begin? I have found that finding little tasks to do, busy work, baking, reading, writing, or some art seem to pass the time best. Something that has an end result and not focusing on things you have no control over. We won't know where our baby is coming from or when, we just have to keep walking sometimes and know that God will lead us to each other. You can plan all you want, you can get everything ready, and sit on your hands and wait, but it won't necessarily speed the process up. So I think it is important to stay busy, pray on it diligently, and stay positive. You won't know how long you must wait, but why should you make yourself miserable?

I know it is the hardest task, the waiting, but staying positive is the best thing you can do. If you are miserable waiting, it truly makes the wait a lot longer. I have never been the most patient waiting for things to come. I can be patient with people and understanding, but growing up waiting on Christmas morning, the last day of school, or for vacation to begin was never one of my strong suits. In the scheme of things Keith and I have not really been waiting very long. We tried for over two years to get pregnant then after that we began the adoption process and we have only been waiting months, where as I know couples who have been waiting over two years to adopt their newborn. From my viewpoint it seems that any amount of time is truly going to be difficult, but if you focus too much on the calendar days you are not really providing enough time for God to work sometimes.

Many people finish the home study process and they are ready right away and they are matched and placed with their child in months, others it takes years; but I doubt many really say that their child they do bring home is not perfect for them. After all it is important that when we pray and ask things of God it is not always in our time, but rather in God's time. I have found that even though I try to stay positive and assure myself that God is working on it in his time, I still feel a bit anxious and troubled by the waiting process; but Keith is always there to reassure me and keep me occupied with other endeavors, such as learning to play an instrument or working on other types of tasks. Just keep busy and keep praying!