Just the other day my anxieties were getting to me (again), naturally just before our friends were due to come over, and Keith was on the road making his way home from work. I was a mess. You see, my mind works in several ways. One, I sadly inherited from a long line of worriers and thus anything and everything causes me great concern. Secondly, my mind is always wondering and inquiring into the unknown. And thirdly, I love to research. This is what I call my triangle of doom. I worry about something, so I question it and then I research it, which often times leads me to worry more and form more questions. Sometimes this a good thing, but like the other day I read and watched a video on CNN and that caused me some concern about our little baby and then I wondered and began Google-ing. This only lead to more questions with no real concrete evidence or answers, let alone positive outcomes. Now I realize you are sitting there saying tisk-tisk. I shouldn't worry.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." ~Matthew 6:34~
And you are so right. Keith quoted the same verse and I felt awful for worrying, but at the same time my logic comes into point out all the information that gives me grounds to worry (haha). So over the next few days my brain began to dissect through all the information I have uncovered. I kept thinking to myself that I have never been through this sort fear and anxiety and what on earth was I to do with all this information. You see our baby's birth mother is on a certain prescription drug since before conception and all the evidence says that there will be no lasting affects as far as delays, malformations, or any issues down the road. In fact our pediatrician said that if you were going to be on a prescription during pregnancy this was the one for you since there is no lasting effects. The problem is just after birth when some babies are born they are addicted to the drug that the Mother has been taking. The withdrawal process is the same as it would be for adults, painful, but without that thirst for the drug that an adult would have.
So naturally the idea of having to tend to a sick baby was getting to me. Though the entire withdrawal process will, if at all, take place in the hospital. My concern lay in how I would handle it and how awful it would be for our baby. This was something I had never experienced and sadly hospitals are my least favorite place to be. So what did I do? I prayed for days. Then rather suddenly it occured to me (I love how God does that!). I have been here before. I was fifteen again in the school library research Alzheimer's Disease and discovering what was in store for my two loving and devoted grandparents. I had been stuck then as I was now. I had just two options. One, I could cry and avoid. Or two, I could be there, be whatever they needed and try to do anything I could to help. I chose then to be there, though I cried a lot over the matter, but I helped get them to take their pills, I talked with them and kept them calm, I eventually helped to feed them, and comb Grandpa's hair. I wonder then what the point of this whole experience was. I wondered why would God put them, my family, and myself through all of this madness.
At last, eleven years later, there was some purpose for me to have gone through that. I know now that I can't stop bad things from happening, I can't take the place of others, and I can't avoid bad things either. The only thing I can do is to face it head on, pray ceaselessly (mainly that God allows the bad things not to happen, but if it does to help our baby through it.), and finally when bad things do happen do my best to help, be there and love on them. As with anything God just wants us to Love each other.
"Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under ALL circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. Love never fails..."
~I Corinthians 13:7-8
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