The Waiting Game...

Probably the worst part about the adoption process is the waiting. You rush through the early stages completing paper work, finding paper work, getting the home study visits done with, which includes cleaning the house till it is spot less and maintaining that (which I don't really mind, lol cleaning is fun for me.), then installing safety devices, completing the in-home homework, and finally creating your profile. Once all of the above is completed there really isn't anything to do, but sit and wait.

Waiting is the worst part thus far. I could handle finding paper work, the interviews with our social worker, the homework that was actually very helpful and insightful, then the cleaning, and completing our profile was actually really interesting. All in all our Adoption process has gone by very smoothly since finding an agency. We couldn't be happier with the speed it took, but as I said, now the waiting game begins.

Like anything else in life, when times get hard its important to focus on the important things. I am, at times, a slow learner. After the process was completed I totally had an unrealistic expectation of the final stages to bringing home our baby. The process was so quick that I thought maybe, just maybe, we would have our baby home by Christmas. We submitted our profile and I was completely crushed when we were not chosen. It was rather defeating. But, as always, Keith was there for me and his ability to look on the brighter side and cheer me up again was fantastic.

Though we won't have our baby home for Christmas, I've taken this as our reality, its important to remember to be thankful for all that we do have, especially since it is the week of Thanksgiving. I can't imagine going through this process with out Keith by my side. We've grown a lot as a couple since deciding that we wanted to start a family. We've leaned on each other and soared through the process with immense ease and came out stronger as a solid unit.

Yesterday's sermon at Church hit home particularly with me and my general disdain for my lack of a baby or the knowledge of when or where they will come to us from. The Pastor spoke about truly embracing what we have, looking at what we do have as oppose to what we do not have. It is all about focus. Where do our focus linger and how can we control that focus?

For me finding focus was a simple reality check through a self-assessment. I was focusing on the fact, again, that I was childless, that I wouldn't have a baby for Christmas, and again I was sitting there as I had been before in my Grandparents living room years ago with out my Red Rider BB Gun, but with a perfectly wonderful array of toys yet I was completely unhappy simply because I didn't get that Red Rider BB Gun that I had specifically asked for about twenty thousand times. I was crushed.

If I just would have stopped for a second, paused and looked around, I would have seen that wonderful art set that I got from the gift exchange and the comics from my Grandparents that I still cherish to this day. I was being selfish, spoiled slightly by the idea that if you ask you'll get it. Not realizing that time-frames are always apart of the equation.

Just as today, I needed to look at what I did have. I needed to be thankful, first of all for my wonderful husband and soul mate, my loving and goofy puppy, our wonderful house, my supportive and loving family and our friends that we consider family. All of which I am truly thankful and blessed to have. Without each one of these Keith and I would be lost, without the love, friendship, and amazing support we are so grateful to have. I live a truly blessed life, and though the only thing missing is our Child here in our arms, I really wholeheartedly believe that God has it in his plans in the foreseeable future, in his time frame, not ours to again bless our lives with.

Just like that Christmas years ago a lesson remains to be learned for me. As I sat there sulking, after everyone had finished unwrapping their gifts and the kids began to play, the adults began reading instructions, or talking amongst themselves, I looked up to see my Grandma beckoning me to the other room. I got up, stepping over the immense flow of wrapping paper and my cousins playing happily on their floor, and follow Grandma into the TV room where Grandpa, my Mom and Dad stood with big grins on their faces. Then Grandma reached inside of the closet and pulled out a long narrow box wrapped in Santa paper. The smile that spread across my face as I tore through the paper to find my new Official Red Ryder BB Gun never left my face that Christmas and that moment of finally holding what I so wanted as a eight year old tomboy that Christmas, well I'll never forget that feeling.

I have been forgetful and taken the truly wonderful pieces of my life for granted and focused completely on what I didn't have instead of all the blessings I have around me. I can honestly say going into this Thanksgiving I find myself with a wonderful feeling of being blessed. God has blessed my life with so many wonderful things and people that give my life such meaning and joy. I can't wait till we finally meet our baby, but today I am certainly counting my blessings for all that I do have and all that will be coming our way.